Meet The Readers: Part 9

 

"Samya" is a longtime relative and all-around cool dude.

He enjoys:
American Muscle Cars, people who pay their credit card bills on time, irony, living a glamorous rockstar lifestyle his cousins can only dream of, hot sexy exotic babe(s), DC area sports teams (particularly the Redskins), standing in front of iconic buildings wearing sunglasses, tailgating, perfect hair, real estate appreciation, monitoring the interweb for random and/or funny pics, BBQ, photo-gray lenses and living miles and miles and miles away from his nearest blood relatives.

He dislikes:
Hillbilly relatives posting his image on inane blogs calling attention to the fact that he is genetically no better than the rest of us (well, maybe a little better), couch-surfing deadbeats, visiting his hillbilly relatives in Bluff Park AL, and the traditional 5-day workweek.

An interesting fact: Sam has apparently made a deal with the devil in return for eternal youth.


Punk.

Meet The Fanatically Avowed Non-Readers: Part 1

"Psycho Schoolmarm" is the wife of my (marginally) estranged bass player and is also my diabolically obsessed arch-nemesis.
(She is clearly the favorite among my sworn enemies)

She enjoys:
Sarcasm, planning and directing Themed Formals, bass players, travel, square roots and stuff, talking and talking and talking, ridiculously elaborate frou-frou cocktails, providing stream-of-consiousness voice-over narration to televised mid-level Beauty Pageants, "Meet The Press", gaudy disco-era footwear, preparing "chili" with caustic/explosive qualities, thinkin' about Lance Armstrong, collecting suggestive art, avoiding first-rate on-line entertainment, "flame-spamming" my core readership with vitriolic rants, berry picking and griping.

She dislikes:
Being soundly whipped at Trivial Pursuit by her intellectual betters, aging lothario acoustic folksingers, being pressed into bread-slicing duty at gala social events, neo-conservatism and handsome charismatic bloggers.

An interesting note: She'll have quite a dilemma when she objects to this post, as that will require her to admit she's read it.

She'd rather eat nails.

Meet The Readers: Part 8

"Jimmy" is a longtime friend and dirty hippie.

He Enjoys:
Testing the limits of the human body's capacity to absorb and process caffeine, demonstrating his encyclopaedic knowledge of almost everything, photograpically documenting every bird on earth, his grandaughter, sleeping with Rocket Scientists, road trippin', knowing everyone in his home county, procreating, and building and maintaining contact with virtually every hippie on earth via a Viet Cong-like communication network.

He Dislikes:
Very few identified. He has a good life and enjoys it fully.

Meet The Readers: Part 7

"Kilgrow" is a long-time friend, chick magnet, "professional" artist, and someone who probably aspires to be more like me.

He enjoys: The fact that a particularly beautiful, charming and otherwise intelligent young woman has agreed to marry him, passengers who enter his car "Dukes Of Hazzard" style, goat farmers/entrepreneurs with messianic complexes, cheerfully tending bar at church socials, goaltending, free BBQ, team building, and mentoring my kids out of sheer spite.

He dislikes: Long-term real estate holdings, automobiles with an odd number of functioning entries/egresses, sitting still, and the lack of a cohesive National Universal Health Care policy.

An interesting fact: He claimed he would read this blog if I publish a statement-(like something the Unabomber or Zodiac Killer would do) I declined.

Meet the Readers: Part 6

"Burttram" is an old friend and raving lunatic.

He enjoys: His daughter and everything she does, women hopelessly out of his league, SouthPark, fine German automobiles painted with mops, the smell of napalm in the morning and pain.

He dislikes: Residential telephone service subscribers, fundamentalist insurgencies, incoming small arms fire and armadillos.

I sincerely hope Burt doesn't kill me.

Hey Kids!
a) Want to be included in a future "Meet The Readers" installment?
b) Don't want to be included, but expect to be anyway?
c) Own a flattering image of yourself?

Send your photo to me!

Meet The Readers: Part 5

"Sofa King" is an old friend who moved to the coast.

He enjoys: Superstardom Songs about the weather, neglecting his oldest and dearest friends, connectin' credit-worthy folks with quality upholstered lifestyle ensembles, convertibles and looking sincere on the beach with a guitar.

He dislikes: The westbound lanes on I-20, picking up the phone, sleep deprivation and spotty broadband connections.

Meet The Readers: Part 4

I normally don't publish "Before and After" photos, but the years have been less than kind to some of us.

"Joe" is a relative so I've known him all my life, yet he allows me to visit anyway.

He enjoys: Buiding boats and Bass Guitars, obscure folk songs, fixing furniture, and living in the coolest house in Bay Minnette, AL with his lovely wife and sweet daughter. (According to the photo, he apparently is/was somewhat fond of cheap wine, nametags and dixie cups)

He dislikes: (None identified)

Meet The Readers: Part 3

"Karen" is the ridiculously charming, lovely and personable wife of one of my oldest friends. It is inexcusable that I don't have a better source photo of her.




She enjoys: Bad acoustic singers, darts, dancing, the odd Martini and being surrounded by idiots. (see photo)

She dislikes: Another of our readers. (who got frosting on her at my birthday party)

Meet The Readers (Part 2)

Disclaimer:::: "Readers" indicates individuals who may or may not actually read "The Narcissist's Cookbook".

"Bron" is also a longtime compatriot/ Bass Player



He enjoys: Bringing the Funk, other people's whiskey, astronomy, hot tubbin', lingerie shopping (ladies undergarments in general), knowing everything, and boating.

He dislikes: Paper hats, losing, waves of unsolicited email, the entire Neil Diamond catalog, and lead singers.

An interesting fact: Bron insists it is purely a coincidence that he married a woman with unusually small hands.

Hey Kids!
a) Want to be included in a future "Meet The Readers" installment?
b) Don't want to be included, but expect to be anyway?
c) Own a flattering image of yourself?

Send your photo to me!

Meet The Readers (Part 1)

Disclaimer: "The Readers" indicates individuals who may or may not actually read "A Wayward Saint".

"Jeffro" is a longtime compatriot who I assume would NOT approve of this image being included here.

He enjoys: Slaughtering farm animals, boating, profanity, drawing up plans for palatial dream homes and making inappropriate comments.

He dislikes: Houseguests who don't leave at 9PM, neo-conservatism, Datsuns, and smart-ass kids.

Hey Kids!
a) Want to be included in a future "Meet The Readers" installment?
b) Don't wnat to be included, but expect to be anyway?
c) Own a flattering image of yourself?

Send your photo to me!