"Twitter went down today. If only there was some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror."
—Stephen Colbert, sniffing at the year's biggest online fad
"Do you remember Eliot Spitzer, who was governor of New York? He had to stop being the governor of New York because he enjoyed prostitutes. Well, now he's talking about running again for governor in 2010. He also said he's looking forward to spending less time with his family."
—David Letterman, on the possible comeback of the disgraced former New York governor
"I got into the car this morning and the navigation lady wasn't speaking to me."
—David Letterman, in response to the brouhaha following his confession of having had sex with women on his staff
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